Erinn got me thinkin'

Read Erinn the Game Guru's piece first, as it was the inspiration for this so to speak.

When I was in high school I both dreaded rejection and rejecting. Mind you, I received much more rejection than I doled out. The rejectION fear related to being seen as a loser or impotent or something I'm sure whereas the rejectING fear had to do of course with guilt to some degree but ultimately also with fear of being seen as a dick. In other words, each fear had everything to do with self-image. I was friends with a lot of girls and, to a certain degree, every day that we were friends and not more, I felt rejected. Meanwhile I had a pretty intimate view of their dating lives and the development of their game, while the only game I knew -- likely because I didn't like how boys treated my girl friends -- was to be a nice guy. That didn't work too well, not to mention I wasn't the cutest high school boy, an unfortunate reality which I'm sure didn't help.

Despite hearing over and over from numerous sources, that being a dick was the way to play things I could not for the life of me understand why someone - girl or guy - would respond to those tactics. I can't remember the degree of actual sympathy I felt or if I was just playing my own game. If I was just trying to be the nice guy alternative though, I was still gaming in my own way. Well, it didn't work.

In my twenties, I've settled in to my version of the game, and while I don't get every girl I chase, I do pretty damn well for myself and have had the pleasure of dating some beautiful and remarkable women, some more seriously than others. Frankly the only reason this happened is because I gave up being a nice guy. I'm always very friendly and charming. But that's different. When it comes to the feeling out process of dating, I definitely play very simple games. While I experience this game in a girl vs. guy way, that may just be a result of my having a penis and wanting only to put it in vaginas (unless we've had a lot to drink and want to try some things...). But I think that if I liked cock I'd still employ similar tactics. I'm not sure what the top/bottom dynamic is the gay community and despite my close ties to some notable elder stateswomen of the lesbian community (really) I have absolutely no idea how the dating scene there works, but I'd certainly be interested to see how it relates to all this. Whether or not these games are tied to gender is ultimately irrelevant. I've done what I've needed to survive. And I'm not for a second ashamed of it. After all, I never lie, I'm always myself, but I dole out "myself" with control and consciousness of the effects of each dose of Nick. Fortunately I still find there are plenty of women out there who don't play games and in those cases, as soon as I see that, I cut that shit out.

So, my advice, for what it's worth, is you HAVE to know how to play the game, but you have to remember Bruce Lee's advice and Be Like Water. Adjust to each situation and if you're lucky you'll find yourself chasing someone whom you don't need to game. Keep your eyes open and you'll know right away. I have a friend who has the best first step in the game. He will approach any woman - intimidating beauty be damned. But he refuses to employ all the stupid tactics evolutionary biology/psychology has made effective. It sounds stupid, but body language, tone of voice, and, more than anything, displays of eagerness need to be controlled. Look, I think it sucks to have to do all that shit, but guess what - it works! So check your reason and get you some pussy for fuck's sake!

Here's one catch though. If the game you need to employ with someone is a jealousy one -- all that works between certain types of people, my experience is that it will make a healthy relationship nearly impossible because once the courting stage is over and you are together, the damage is done jealousy-wise. I had a potentially fantastic relationship destroyed by that shit. I'm not sure she and I ultimately are right for each other -- pretty sure we aren't -- and this may have come out eventually on its own, but the jealousy games certainly killed any chance of finding out if we worked at all. Not to mention relationships can run their course pleasantly or combatively and you certainly don't want to set yourself for that type of shit.

Anyway, play games when you have to, avoid them if you don't, and always be aware that every little thing you say or do will come back at some point.

What do you guys think?