How could you NOT want to see the Verne Troyer sex tape? All these snarky condescending motherfuckers in the blogosphere whom I usually adore and respect are pulling "not while I'm eating"* over this shit.
Stop being such pussies and take advantage of this rare chance to see something absolutely amazing. You're not allowed to find fault in everything without being able to stomach MiniMe shoulder deep in some ugly-ass "aspiring model". One of the prerequisites to blogger snark should be the ability to sit through midget fucking without losing your lunch.
I won't link to TMZ because fuck TMZ but I'm sure with some sleuthing you could find the preview vid of the sex tape. It only has some hot making out/tongue sucking but it's probably the best teaser trailer since....actually I think teasers are stupid.
*I was bitching to my friend Perrin about how "not while I'm eating" is retarded. I hear it a lot because I talk about shit and barf and uterine lining a lot. Perrin summed it up perfectly when he said (I'm paraphrasing) "it's not as if the part of your brain that processes a shit story and the part that processes taste are so close together you'll start tasting shit." Thank you Perrin.
The World Is Swell. And How!
Mini Me Sex Tape
Saturday, June 28, 2008 | Posted by npd at 12:39 PM |
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1 comments:
True story: I once saw Verne Troyer at Renee's in Santa Monica. He was standing(!) on the bar counter while two really hot model/stripper types were chatting him on either arm. It was pretty fucking amazing, while simultaneously a tiny bit depressing. The knowledge that Mini Me will pull more and better pussy over the course of his life than I ever will is a humbling reality of being a noncelebrity in a town tailor-made for celebrities.
I'm interested in seeing his sex tape, and I'm certainly not the kind of guy who shies away from disgusting curiosities (I sat through "2 Girls 1 Cup" without hurling, though I admit it was a challenge; I've also forwarded Meatspin, Lemon Party, Tubgirl, and Goatse to as many friends as possible over the years). That said, the "celebrity sex tape" trend is annoying and overplayed. These things were vaguely scandalous back when they didn't seem like calculated publicity stunts with profit-minded producers and distributors. Of course, they always have been -- but my young, innocent self just found a tiny bit more magic in the Pam & Tommy tape than my jaded, cynical self found in "One Night in Paris" and its imitators.
Seacrest out.
(BTW, "Seacrest Out!" should be the title of Ryan Seacrests's nigh-inevitable gay sex tape).
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