Retard Strength

I applaud this motherfucker for getting super duper (yes, super duper) excited for his workout. My friends always make fun of me for air drumming on the treadmill, and I routinely almost fall off, but if you've ever wrestled a retard, you know the strength that acting like a retard brings out. Or maybe it's just that extra chromosome worth of power.

Larry David Fights Cancer

About a year and a half ago I dated this girl who still holds the title of best fuck ever (and, like Usain Bolt, I don't really expect anyone to touch her record for some time). Anyway, I saw her do stand up one night at the Giggle Bin or the Chuckle House or whatever -- some place on Sunset where the money I saved on my comp'd ticket ended up being spent on some pushy DJ's mixtape - thanks, bro, good luck never making it. Wow two dashy tangents in one sentence. I guess the theme to this post is setting personal records. But it SHOULD be about this Larry David thing. So, where was I.....

Oh yeah, so Best Fuck Ever is doing her act, which is pretty good considering cute girls tend never to be funny. In fact they're often the opposite. Want to suck all the humor out of a room? Have a pretty girl add her two cents to shit-talking joke-filled banter and I guarantee the combination of her bad joke and the discomfort it creates will turn your puss sour.

So my girl is on stage doing alright for herself and then she tells a cancer joke that was actually funny. I can't remember the joke but I did laugh out loud and I was the only one. She recovered well, pointing out that cancer jokes are hit or miss. Here's my question: why? In the same way I use my big brother's Rafael's downs syndrome (no I didn't make that up) as a free pass to say retard, cancer hasn't come quiiiite close enough (Aunts and Uncles but no immediate family or me) for me technically to be allowed to say this but there's plenty funny about cancer. Especially if it's a clown with cancer.

In the clips below, Larry David coaxes some funny out of cancer, for the sake of cancer (specifically Stand Up To Cancer). I hope you like, I love. But I wonder what would have been the reaction to the bit if he'd done it, say, on stage without the Stand Up To Cancer angle. Definitely would have been like the retards protesting Tropic Thunder or the dudes who took offense to "black hole."

In a side note, Best Fuck Ever is engaged now and she's a fantastic girl so I'm thrilled for her, but fuck, can't we just knock boots once or twice more. For posterity.

Euro Cup Victory Inspires Ape Rights Movement

Ooh this is neat. Spain's Parliament is working on legislation to guarantee the right to life of great apes. What I'm about to say may offend some people (an ex of mine once locked herself in a room -- that was her thing though -- and wouldn't talk to me until I pretended to be sorry about telling her the following anecdote).

My older brother Raphael has very severe down's syndrome and very little in the way of mental capacity and communication ability. He doesn't live with us because he requires round-the-clock care and isn't capable of developing much of a relationship with anyone he isn't in constant contact with. Once when I was a curious little kid I read that chimpanzees were comparable to human four-year-olds in certain areas of cognition. So, I asked a family member if they had at least an equal right to life as Raphael whose cognitive abilities are probably closer to those of a baby.

The response I got was "not to mention, a chimpanzee can survive in the wild."

So I certainly am happy to hear this news coming out of Spain. I won't get into whether or not a zygote is 'life' or not. But if you believe it is, well you shouldn't believe in human behaviors that threaten lives of relatively the same value for the sake of diamonds or big macs or whatever. In the zygote case of course, potential complicates the argument whereas my brother has pretty much reached his. Have I just opened a can of worms?

I love me some Wes Clark!

Why can't I vote for this guy in the fall? While handsome moderate Obama pats McCain and Petraeus on the back someone is at least taking a nuanced but firm position on John McCain who wants to send kids to die for the chance to get an education he's voted to spend less on.

Thanks Wes! Maybe I'll write you in.